First of all it should be said that all Dad Speak should be shouted  from another room with a distinct air of superiority and self-amusement (at his own cleverness).  Read on if you dare....

As queer as a three dollar bill

"I suspect that fellow may be same sex oriented."

Bastard

As per Seinfeld's George Castanza when he's entertaining out-of-state clients. To our father "bastard" can be a really good thing ("You're a funny bastard!") or a really bad thing ("He's a right bastard!")

Bloody Democrats!

This is routinely uttered every time the news in on. If there's anything political reported (which, unfortunately, is more often than not), anyone within earshot (whether they're interested or not, and whether they're listening or not) gets a politcial commentary that will always end with "Bloody Democrats!" (whether the bloody Democrats are responsible or not).

Bloody feminist rubbish

This applies to any train of thought that doesn't directly benefit him and is more recent than the Suffrogettes. This term can also be used for women involved in politics (especially Democrats) and women with short hair.

Bloody I-ties!

"Those crazy Italians!"

Bloody kids!

That's us. This is usually screamed in exasperation when he can't find something that he owns that no one else is interested in (eg. his old man hat or Coke bottle glasses).

Bloody Poms!

"Those crazy Britons!"

Bloody prat!

This is screamed from the car window- usually when someone in front dares to stop at a t-junction to check for on-coming traffic. If he assesses that the driver has taken a nanosecond too long, then they're a prat. It should also be noted that due to the afore mentioned Coke bottle glasses, he has never driven a car.

Bloody rabbit!

This has nothing to do with rabbits. If he hasn't already made an instant (usually incorrect and unfair) judgment of someone and he thinks there might be the remote possibility that he will grow to like them, but the person p*sses him off anyway, then he's a bloody rabbit. Don't ask us where this term originates. It's likely that he made it up.

Bugger me!

This is said to no one in particular and one of his favorite variations is: "Dear oh bugger me!" As you're probably aware, the literal translation for this is: "Please insert your penis into my rectum."

Busier than a cat burying shit in concrete

"Indeed I expect to be fully occupied."

The Demons

This is not- as you might imagine- anything to do with Satan. This is old man speak for "police". If he sees a police car, he'll say, "The demons are out." Sometimes he'll say, "I can smell bacon," and think he's funny.

Plonk

A term for anything containing alcohol- wine, spirits,  fluffy cocktails- anything. As in, "Would you like a glass of plonk?" (Never say yes to this because you could get anything. Most probably a very nasty blend of sherry.)

Shit, eh?

Another utterance to no one in particular. He usually says it just before he wanders off into another room, talking loudly to himself. Example: "Shit, eh? I'd better feed the cat but I'll just make the tea first." The reason he talks to himself (almost constantly) is because there's no one more interested in his puerile conversation than himself.

Wacko-the-diddlio!

Another dad-ism (probably made up). A bit Ned Flandersish, but let us assure you that he is definitely more like Ned's evil twin. "Wacko-the-diddlio!" is what he used to say to us when we were very small and we had just told him something he was completely uninterested in and hoped not to be expected to remember later. He also says it when you give him a gift that he hates.

You look like an Alastair

This is what he said when Sister J introduced him to her friend Alastair. If Alastair ever does a crime, the APB will sound like this: "Tall, white male, blonde hair, blue eyes....forget all that- be on the lookout for someone who looks like an Alastair."